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Thursday, December 18, 2008

Who Invented Lip Waxing?

Cruel, sadistic, misanthropic. Someone somewhere must have had these qualities to ever conceive of an idea so spiteful--waxing body parts! I thought this kind of thing went out with thumbscrews. No doubt a group of inebriated youths sat around one listless night, bored to distraction when the thought eked from their gin soaked brains. At such times, new and fanciful inventions erupt spontaneously from the collective mind of the group. I base my opinion on years of watching America's Funniest Home Videos.

I've recently had my lip and eyebrows waxed. At no time was I informed that the molten wax strip would not only remove unwanted hair but the top 3 layers of epidermis. I was not informed of the eye-blinding pain--and was flustered when the beauty technician kept shushing me because she claimed my shrieks of agony bothered the other clients. Side effects were never discussed. Can you say "welts?" The technician handed me a mirror so I could admire my new, youthful appearance. My right eyebrow was lovely but only half my left eyebrow was still attached. It's an ugly way to find out my technician was myopic.

The most egregious insult lingered to the last. After having parts of my face savaged, bespeckled with welts, and leaving with only 1 1/2 eyebrows, this person actually expected me to pay her! You must be kidding me. Imagine the look on her face when I erupted with laughter. Then a heinous image flashed in my mind: if she calls the police, I'll end up with the world's worst mugshot. Helped by my good conscience I reluctantly forked over the cash.

I've said all that to say this: People, in the spirit of comradery and true neighborliness, when the gift certificates come rolling in this Christmas, inspect them thoroughly. If you get one for a waxing, run screaming and toss it into the trash. I inform because I care. In closing, does anyone know how long it takes for an eyebrow to grow back?


Jane said...

Debbi - been there - done that - but only once! Alas - age does bring wisdom my friend! I think that practice was invented by whoever thought up the Chinese water torture - but that is only conjecture! But - YOU brought me good medicine today - laughter!!! Do you hear it over there???? Eye brows -give it several months!!!

Brenda Scott said...

This was absolutely hilarious! Ahem...I mean...Oh, you poor thing...

As Im reading Im envisioning sort of the "Spock" look from Star Trek! LOL!

Well, from personal experience (ouch!) the eyebrows are never the same EVER again. And during the eternity it takes for it to grow back in...its VERY hard to look sternly at your kids...and have them take you even one iota seriously. They just bust out laughing.


CandaceCalvert said...

Um . . . about 5 weeks on the half brow. You can fill it in with pencil. I'm still doing this torture, because I can't see to pluck that great anymore . . . and don't want a pathetic unibrow. AND I've experience LASER hair removal . . . waxing PALES in comparison to that sadistic practice. Gad. Where's the Geneva Conventions when you need them? ;-)

brooke said...

thanks for the helpful advice. i'll never inflict this form of torture on myself. but an enemy...maybe!

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