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Saturday, March 26, 2011

You Know You're an Editor if...

Ok. Here it is. The sister article to, You Know You're a Writer if..."

You remove hangnails with a razor blade.

Roget, Webster, and Strunk and White are your favorite late night reads.

You fully understand the concept and the rationale for writers' deadlines, hard deadlines, and real deadlines.

A dangling participle makes your eye twitch.

The top ten best reads of your life are all reference books.

You have a three-year supply of red pens, in every room, in every vehicle, and in every briefcase you own.

Your life’s mantra is, “So many manuscripts, so few garbage cans.”

The last author you rejected stands, commits hari-kari before your eyes, and you remark, “Are you finished? Good, now get to your rewrites.”

You ask God to send you one, just one, author who doesn’t burst into tears when they receive your critique.

You have your dental work done without anesthetic.

You’ve gotten into the habit of going to the mailbox or opening your email with a red pen between your teeth.

The neighborhood dogs get vaccinations in case you have rabies.

You can’t remember the last time you got eight consecutive hours of sleep.

Nehemiah is your favorite Bible character because when people irritated him, he slapped them and plucked out their hair.

You have a poster of John the Baptist on your office wall lovingly entitled, “MY HERO.”

Another weeping author tells you that this is her 300th rejection, and you listen for five seconds then reply, “Yep, life sucks and then you die.”

You actually know that attaching an ing to a verb doesn’t automatically qualify it as a gerund.

You understand that a colon is not part of the intestinal tract.

You know that the “creative process” and “poetic license” are just excuses for lazy writers to avoid learning proper grammar and punctuation.

You’re office is wallpapered with 22 pound bright white paper.

Upon receiving a virgin manuscript, an evil chortle escapes your lips while you shout, “The power! Oh, the power!”

You could put your entire heart into a thimble and still have room left over—that is, if you had a heart.


Jane said...

That is ruthless - and, yes I've met one of those!!!

Debbi said...

Jane: That made me laugh out loud.

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